hackDISARRAY
by Bloody-Youkai
Summary: Some things shouldn't be questioned. Like this fanfic. When a player by the name of Thesis encounters the dot hackers...You know, I have no clue what I'm saying.
1. Thesis and the Dot Hackers

_-I posted this fanfic before, but took it off after some time. Eventually I realized I still liked it and I pulled up the word document it was saved on and made a few revisions to it. And thus here it is, barely better than it was before. --;; And, just by the way, Thesis's name is pronounced with a 'short e'.-_

_**.hackDISARRAY**_

_**-I do not own Kite, Blackrose, Balmung, DDR, the can-can, or .hack in general. But I do own Thesis and this fanfic n.n-**_

**Chapter One: Thesis and the Dot Hackers **

An avid player of "The World", maybe 16 years of age, swore loudly as he checked his mail on the online RPG, refraining from busting the screen of his computer in with a spork that sat just a few inches away. There was another e-mail from the player that had repeatedly e-mailed him since the day they met and that day had just been yesterday. Plus, even more e-mails spiraled down the screen so that the scrollbar was only about a decimeter thick.

"Why won't this bastard stop e-mailing me!" Thesis, as he was called in "The World", yelled angrily, taking his infuriation out on the wall parallel from the computer desk, more swears escaping his lips in a frenzy.

The irksome player who kept e-mailing him had found out about the fact that he had illegally modified his character and thus continuously started sending mails about how he's going to report him to the Crimson Knights. And getting over 100 e-mails from the same person in the last two days was...irritating. One would think he'd eventually run out of things to say. By what the messages said, he probably had, and was just now typing the exact same message right down to the placement of the apostrophes and spelling mistakes.

Thesis stopped kicking the wall, it hurt like mad since he wasn't wearing any shoes, and sat back down in the spinny chair infront of his computer. Calmly, he put back on the headset and started typing up a reply to the player whose name was a jumble of numbers that seemed to have just been pressed randomly for lack of a better username. Quickly, Thesis sent the e-mail then turned caps lock off before finally logging into "The World".

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In the root town of Mac Anu a golden ring appeared in the air then was brought down to the ground by some invisible force followed by two others before all disappeared into nothing. Standing where the rings were no more was a male wavemaster with pale lavender hair bound in a loose ponytail that reached his waist and odd silver eyes with a hint of marroon around the pupils. Ebony robes with silver markings up the sides and around the ends of the sleeves scraped across the ground as Thesis fought his way through the crowds, nearly being decapitated by the same blade master on several occasions.

Large, demonic wings adorned his back, slightly folded around his body. The slightly transparent membrane had a few holes in it and there were traces of blood in the form of faded red splotches.That was the simple modification he made that the player, 52784584, was threatening to tell the Crimson Knights about. He didn't understand what was so bad about it and took his frustration out on the nearest player by hitting her with his staff. Leaving the player in the daze, he kept walking, thinking of different things as he stared at the ground.Thesis was knocked out of thought though as a scream of pain cut through the virtual air of the Root Town only a foot away from where he was standing.

"What?" he blinked in confusion and looked up at whoever had screamed since his staff had stabbed it in the eye. It happened to be the famous hacker, Kite, and the scantily dressed heavy blade, Blackrose, as Thesis quickly noticed. The wavemaster just stood there, not bothering to remove his staff from the squirming Kite, but just stood there staring, staring at Blackrose's breasts. His free hand twitched with a yearning to just reach out and touch them...

"Dirty pervert!" she yelled storming over to him and stomping on his foot, but that wasn't what she was planning on doing. The heavy blade was going to chop him into little, bite-sized pieces and make sushi! Raw player couldn't be all that different from raw fish.

"Ow! My foot already hurts from kicking the wall over and over while wearing no shoes!"Thesis picked up a rock that was on the ground and chucked it at Blackrose only to miss and hit the hacker who was pulling the staff out of his eye.

Looking at him oddly she asked,"And why were you kicking the wall?" But she never received an answer.

The wavemaster had taken the liberty of ungouging his staff whose silver was turning into crimson, and started poking Kite in the arm,"This thing is even better than a stick," Thesis commented to himself, surprised at the useless fact.

"Really?" Blackrose brightened up and started poking the seemingly dead twin blade, but with her overlyhuge sword since she couldn't use his staff. But after a pokes that couldn't really be called pokes but stabs instead, she ended up cutting his entire arm off so it lay twitching slightly in a puddle of blood."Oops.."

Picking up the arm that was damp with blood, Thesis turned to the sweatdropping female."You killed him.He's going to die of blood loss, but I think he already has," he said in a blank tone and looking rather serious.

Tears began to swell up in Blackrose's eyes as she began sobbing over Kite's body, her tears splattering on the blood sodden body of the famous dot hacker. Her sword, the murder weapon, was discarded somewhere behind her, its edge stained red like her hands and knees. Sighing, the wavemaster stood up, the bottom of his black robes swimming in the thick red liquid seeping from where the arm was severed.

"There he is! The wavemaster who illegally modified his character!And now he's become a PK!" The leader of a small mob of Crimson Knights suddenly exclaimed, ruining the moment between Kite and Blackrose, and pointed the tip of his sword towards the group of three, one dead.

"Meep!" Thesis took a step back, leather boots sinking into the blood of the famous dot hacker, however, Blackrose seemed unfazed by their existance.Glaring at him, the heavy blade hit him in the back of the head with her sword, knocking him to the ground.

Snarling, she placed the sharp edge of her blade to the nervous wavemaster's neck."Heal Kite now!" Blackrose demanded with narrowed eyes."I will not get sued again due to the fact you never healed him!"

Thesis laughed nervously as warm blood trickled down his throat and pointed to the Red Element Knights who were steadily getting closer."Well, I can't exactly do anything while your sword is pressed against my neck and those damn knights want to kill me for illegally modifying my character to have those wings you're standing on!"

If looks could kill, he would already have gone to heaven only to be rejected and sent to a little place we like to call hell, "Heal...Kite..NOW!" Blackrose was now standing on the wavemaster's back, jumping up and down trying to dig her soles as deeply into him as possible.

Reaching for his staff which was sent askew when he was knocked down Thesis muttered up to the heavy blade, "Nasty spawn of the devil, aren't you?" Just a little farther...he could already touch the cold surface with the very tips of his fingers. But some kind of heavy metal shoe was brought down on his hand right before he could grasp the staff and Thesis moaned at the sight of it.

"Die, vile cheater!"the Crimson Knight said to the robed player, sword unsheathed and ready to make the kill. However, the wavemaster just pondered about the Knights voice, it was so familiar...where'd he hear it before?

With a coy grin on his face, the 'cheater' burst into laughter. Thesis would have probably started rolling around on the ground if the famous dot hacker wasn't pounding her boots into him."Balmung!" This whole thing was just an odd and painful happening after another, but seeing Balmung as one of those accursed Knights was just hilarious for him. "I never thought you'd degrade yourself like that in public!" Gasping for breath, the laughing stopped and the player coughed a few times.

Blackrose had stopped jumping on Thesis's back and was lost in a sea of confusion and pure bliss since Balmung had removed his helmet and stood there valiantly in all of his bishie-ness, locks of silver hair framing his face. His cold gaze stayed on the 'cheater' and for the second time the wavemaster was threatened with a sword to the neck, "Now what's so funny!"Balmung was clearly enraged by the way this...this cheater talked to him."I, Balmung of the Azure Sky, will annihilate y--"

The bishie never had time to finish the finalword of the sentence. Hundreds apon hundreds of fangirls, including the heavy blade who was named after a flower, had flooded into the alleyway they were in, all toppling onto Balmung in large groups and burying him under their bodies. The many females, and the occasional male, tore at his clothes like rabid dogs, glad to get their hands on anything, anything at all. Sitting on top of a building was the 'cheater', laughing at the bishie and his countless fangirls. He knew the modifications he made would someday help him. And they did, he was able to escape before the whole alley was engulfed with deranged, obsessive fangirls.

But the entire encounter with Balmung and the Knights and the 100 e-mails could have been avoided if he never illegally modified his character.Yet he'd still have to endure Blackrose's torture which made him wonder why he didn't just log out. That, and why a blade to the neck was such a popular threat. "Oh yeah, Kite!"Thesis snapped his fingers at the sudden remembrance of the twin blade Blackrose, or maybe he, killed.

Turning around so he was heading in the direction of the rotating portal known as the Chaos Gate, the wavemaster cocked his head at what he saw,"Eh, Kite? That you?" like when he first saw the hacker, he blinked in confusion,"How the hell did you get up here?"

Waving his arm wildly, he was staring at where his left arm once was, mouth agape. Kite seemed to be mute with terror and his arm just waved even more wildly but if he could make any sounds, he would probably be screaming bloody murder.

**End of Chapter One**

Crim: Hello, Crim the Red Lightning here, getting paid to introduce Kite, Blackrose, Thesis, and Balmung before they sing to end this end this chapter.

Blackrose: But it's already written that the chapter is over...

Crim: Shut up! My paycheck is on the line here!

Thesis: I'm not going to sing and you can't make me.

Crim: But I already told the readers you all would sing!

Thesis: Screw the readers. -Walks off the stage-

Blackrose: I'm going to go play DDR...-Walks off the stage after Thesis-

Kite: M-my arm T-T

Crim: OO;; Since Blackrose and Thesis left, the bishie, Balmung, and the hacker, Kite, will sing for you. Errr...Balmung?

Kite: -sniff- He's being chased by rabid fangirls again -sniff-

Crim: Okay...then Kite will sing for you all!

Kite: I'm going to go -sniff- play DDR with Blackrose. -Walks off of the stage-

Crim: ...Now watch as the Crimson Knights do the can-can and your eyes bleed! -Leaves-


	2. Morganna's White Room

_-o-o Pointlessness...-_

**_-I do not own any of the characters mentioned in this chapter except for Thesis. Neither do I own Coke, Mario Party 5, nor Super Mario Sunshine. And Morganna's white room is hers.-_**

**Chapter Two: Morganna's White Room**

Tsukasa sat in a large mushroom field, its dungeon far off, gazing up at the stars that littered the black and blue sky forming odd patterns.His back was pressed against one of the abnormally sized fungi seen so commonly.Sighing, the player who was stuck in "The World" brushed the bug that was always seen with him off the curve of his staff and sent the small thing flying into a mound of snow that covered this area like an immensely cold blaket.

Ignoring the cold temperature around him, Tsukasa stood up and started walking around, leaving footprints leading right to him in the snow along with a circular imprint left by the end of the staff in his right hand as it touched the white fluff. None other than the grunty food known as a mushroom, were placed here and there, bouncing slightly in one spot and repeating its name over and over and over to the point where you go all berserk and attack like crazy so there's nothing left of the little bastards. But he just ignored them all and stared ahead with a dull expression, being trapped in "The World" for so long had made him accustomed to the grunty foods.

Honestly, there wasn't much to look at in the field except for the snow that kept on falling and the mushrooms 5 times your size which you could find in any other mushroom field.Yet what the wavemaster was looking at was a bright light on the horizon and the little voice in his head that was saying '_Go towards the light...go towards the light' _urged him on to find out what that light was. '_You're almost there...keep heading forward, to the source of the light.' _Curse the voices in his head that would soon drive him to insanity.

But Tsukasa didn't have to go far as everything went blank as a wave of white slowly began washing over everything and erasing it all so the player was stuck in a bright void. He had to shield his eyes so he wouldn't become blind and felt like he was falling from far up only to land into a place, still with no color at all and its floor felt like it was padded. A pure white room that was padded,_ that _was where Tsukasa was.

------------------

Raising an eyebrow, Blackrose watched as a purple-haired heavy axeman and a robed wavemaster fought while she just sat on a rock in the snowy mushroom field, one leg crossed over the other.The mutilated hacker just seemed confused and picked up a mushroom which could be used as grunty food that instantly stopped calling out its name and started screaming in agony as he bit into it.

"Why'd we bring them again?" she asked Kite, bored with watching the two fight. Piros was already scorched pitch black and Thesis was soaked in blood.

Looking over at her, the twin blade just shrugged and continued eating the mushroom, slapping it a few times while holding it in his mouth to try and get the thing to shut up.'_Come to me_ _Kite, come to the light_.'Stopping in mid-bite, he looked around nervously to see if anyone else had heard that soft voice in his head, it sounded like a woman's.'_Behind you Kite, the light awaits your arrival.' _Knowing he'd regret it, the player feasting on some grunty food turned around and saw that there was a bright light like the voice had told him about.'_Run to the light!'_

Kite couldn't resist, the voice kept telling him to venture closer to the light he saw, in a rather seductive tone.The mushroom still placed between his teeth yelled 'mushroom'Because it wasn't being bitten into and had no need to scream in agonyas its captor began running in the opposite direction of the others. Blackrose turned to watch as the hacker began to run off and Piros gazed as well, while Thesis took this as an opportunity to whack the axeman a few times in the head with his staff before turning his attention to the figure that was getting smaller as it got farther away.

_'Yes, you three too, go to to the light along with your friend.' _The trio pondered over the mysterious voice's commands carefully and came to one conclusion: That they should get out of here as soon as possible if they treasured their lives in any way. But they had no time to leave as the light ensnared them and sent them to a horrible place where they would all slowly lose what sanity they had.

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Piros, Blackrose, and Thesis were thrust into a room cut off from the rest of "The World", landing harshly on its padded floor. Rubbing the back of his head, the illegally modified player looked around the blank room, the only color coming from the prisoners it held. Somewhere in a corner, a brown and yellow blob was curled in a ball, rocking back and forth while muttering inaudibly with a look of sheer derangement on his face. The hacker sat somewhere in the middle, if that even was the middle, and seemed to be in another world, the mushroom in his mouth KO' ed. Roughly behind him was an unfortunate heavy blade with an annoying armor clad player draped over her body.

"Get off of me you damn thing!" Blackrose yelled, trying to push herself out from under Piros's heavy form with no prevail.She would have also probably screamed louder if her lungs weren't being crushed at the moment.

Thesis snickered at her futile attemps."You know what? It kinda looks like he's trying to--" he was cut off as a large sword grazed his right cheek and collided with the also padded wall, forming a bunch of spheres like when Mario enters a 'M' portal on Super Mario Sunshine, and then dissipated.

Kite was then, for no apparent reason, knocked out of the trance-like state he was in and once again began to eat the mushroom he'd been scarfing down for the past 13 and a three quarter minutes making little progress as his fangs sunk into to chewy, squid-like substace. 'Hmmm...I wonder if eating this thing will let me hit a second dice.'He thought, referring to Mario Party 5 which was probably still inserted into his silver gamecube. Tsukasa just curled himself into a tighter ball, unaware of anything around him and closed his eyes, random syllables sometimes heard.

A voice suddenly spoke, seemingly coming in all directions. It was also the same alluring voice that called out to the five in the pure white room earlier.

_Hello my slaves, and welcome to Morganna's white room A.K.A. **my **whiterom, where you'll go insane through drawn-out torture. Buahahahahah--Oh, crap! My sexy voice is wearing off!_

The word 'off' was spoken in a much different voice than the rest of her statement, it was in a voice that made the silver-haired wavemaster let out a girlish shriek and bolt straight up, the look of derangement on his face replaced with a look of terror."B-but you're supposed to be dead!" He was shaking with fear as he hid behind Kite with wide eyes.

Staring up at what could pass off as a ceiling, was the second wavemaster in the room."You know, you're voice wasn't sexy and still isn't sexy, and sexy voices are normally followed with sexy bodies. Then you must not be very sexy," Thesis sighed with dissapointment.

In a puff of purple smoke, a dictionary appeared out of thin air and landed on the twin blade's lap, pages flapping as he flipped through them with his right arm, searching for a paticular word."And we aren't your slaves either."His voice was muffled seeing the quarter eaten mushroom was still entangled with his fangs."**1 :** a person held in servitude as the chattel of another. **2 :** one that is completely subservient to a dominating influence . **3 :** a device that is directly responsive to another. That's the definition of 'slave' and we are none of the above thus making us, not your slaves. And proving I do have a brain after all!"

"Hey, where'd you get that dictionary?" Questioned Thesis as the book was slammed shut.

"What dictionary?" Kite asked dumbfounded and it dissapeared in a puff of red smoke this time while the other muttered something that sounded like 'never mind..'

_Silence mortals! I, Morganna, am back with my little white room of doom, and without a sexy body since I am a diesembodied voice. As far as I am concerned, you are my slaves but I don't really care. Now I bid you farewell as I go to a bar to get hopelessly drunk._

Morganna left in a matter of seconds, though you really couldn't tell since she was a disembodied voice after all, and left the robed wavemaster wondering how she could get drunk if she had no body. As if posessed, the twin blade just kept eating the overly mentioned mushroom not noticing that Tsukasa was latched into his arm, making it harder to devour the grunty food. But there was something missing in the room devoid of all color, the female dot hacker would have surely spoken by now yet she just laid there with the unconscious Piros still crushing her.

"I...I can't...log out."Blackrose murmured weakly, her unwavering gaze staring ahead."I can't log out."

"Who cares?" Grinning like a mentally unstable person that really should be in therapy, Thesis held up a can of dark soda that hadn't been there before."Because we got coke!"

All looked up in awe at the red can that gleamed in the brightness of the room, their eyes tracing over the curly words that read 'Coca-Cola', entranced by its beauty. This lasted for a good seven minutes before a half-clothed figure was warped to the room, and got down on his knees. Hands clasped together, he raised his arms into the air diagonally.

"There is a god! I believe! I really do believe!" Balmung yelled loudly while crying tears of joy.

Apparently the only player in the room that had noticed the arrival of the bishie was none other than the heavy blade who, using her super rabid fangirl strength, pushed Piros off of her and glomped him violently.

Barely hard over Blackrose's chants of 'I've Got a half-naked Balmung, I've got a half-naked Balmung' came his cries."Noooo! Not more fangirls! Why have you forsaken me, God?" Balmung began sobbing again, not in joy, but in pain. Ignoring the addict and its object of affection, the two wavemasters and the twin blade stood in a triangular circle with their so-called savior held out in Kites right, and only, palm.

"This coke...it is our savior. No, it is out lord.We must make a human sacrifice!" Tsukasa declared, shooting a fist into the air.

Passing the can which was now their lord to another, Kite tapped his chin thoughfully as he scanned the white room."...But who?"

Thesis was the last to speak and he pointed over to where a green-haired twin blade had just appeared as randomly as Balmung had,"That one should suffice."

"Now, come on! Why me!" the newly-appeared Sora took a step back and released his weapons to reveal that his two, identicle blades had been replaced with yellow rubber ducks that squeaked. Things weren't going too well for the PK, that is, untill a boy materialized in Morganna's white room.

The boy had spiky, multi-collored hair and wore a 3-D pyramid puzzle on a chain around his neck."Believe in the heart of the cards!" Yugi yelled the overused line to Sora. "Hey, wait. Is that...is that coke?"

Giving the duelist an angry glare since she thought he was their to take away _her _bishie, Blackrose wrapped herself tighter around Balmung."Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine!" Of course the single word was repeated many more times but the author didn't feel like making the rest of the chapter a lone four letters spelled out over and over to the point of exaustion. And then there were the question marks. The question marks!

So everyone more-or-less tuned her out in a matter of minutes except for poor Balmung who had Blackrose screeching right in his ear. Quickly enough, his ear was literally bleeding.

Yugi cheered happily as he realized that the can was indeed, a coke can. Snatching it out of Tsukasa's hand, he downed the soda and made a thumbs up sign like he was that red kool-aid man then threw the lifeless can down to the padded floor.

"Got Milk?" And with having said that, the boy dematerialized out of the room.

Confused, the hacker tilted his head to one side."That was odd," He then turned to their crushed lord and began sobbing before searching through his pockets for a new lord. All that turned up was a half-empty bag of sugar.

Handing their lord to the other wavemaster so he could bury it, the robed player started trying to steal the 'all-powerful' sugar out of Kite's gloved hands, "Let there be sugar!" Thesis yelled once he grabbed the bag and threw the white-ish grains into the air.

Slowly, the sugar began falling like snow in the mushroom field, only to dissapear like the heavy blade's sword had upon hitting the floor.

"What a waste..."Sora said sadly, poking the floor with one of his squeaky rubber ducks.

After a few minutes passed, a male scream of frustration abruptly cut through the air in the white room since a can hadn't been buried followed by yelps of pain as a metal staff was pounded into someone's skull. There was also a dissapointed moan as a player found out that the wings of a modified wavemaster weren't edible whilst sobbing over gone sugar began. Constant swears by the bound-to-a-chair-by-a-fangirl bishie and joyous chanting joined the other rather random noises of the white room. Plus the maniacal laughter of a disembodied voice had abruptly joined in.

To be blunt, it was the demented chorus of psychopaths.

Shaking its head in disgust, was a floating cat-like creature holding a quill to the page of a light purple book with 'Maha's Diary' written in curly cursive letters of a golden hue across the cover. Dipping the feather back into the ink jar floating beside it, Maha continued writing on the lineless page in a tidy scrawl.

'So the insanity continues. I'm not sure how much I can take though they haven't been here long compared to Morganna's other 'slaves' like she loves to call them. I was against the white room idea from the start but I was threatened with the guardian piercing my flesh which as you could imagine, hurts. A lot.'

It paused for a moment to submerge the quill in the black liquid again.

'Oh, well. It could be worse. I still shudder when I think of the couple she trapped in here yesterday. I've never been a big fan of hentai. Fortunately, they're both long gone.'

The cat-like creature glanced over at the players before returning to the diary entry.

'I'm still wondering why they haven't spotted me...I've been here the entire time hovering a mere two feet from the ground. But I shouldn't expect much from them. Well, this entry shall have to come to close now because my ink supply is running low and Morganna won't let me get any more. Damn her. The noise is also driving me temporarily insane.

-Maha'

It then teleported out of the room, the quill placed in its pocket.

------------------

"So..."Blackrose began, running her finger in a circle through the blindingly white snow of the mushroom field."How'd we get out of that place?"

"Maybe the room was only temporary or something like that."Sora suggested, not believing what he just said.

Kite just shrugged and plunged his fangs deeper into the same mushroom."Maybe God had pity on our poor souls."

As he said that, Balmungs eyes lit up,"Maybe God heard my prayers after all!"

The heavy blade just shook her head at the newest theory,"No...God never listens to those."

"He doesn't...?" Balmung was saddened by her words and his head hung low.

Bringing his knees up to his chest, Tsukasa turned his gaze towards the brilliant night sky,"Maybe Morganna just...let us go."

All that spoke before him gave him an odd look as the truly bizzare idea was proposed.

Thesis dully poked at the snow with his metal staff, leaving holes in the snow,"Who knows? Maybe God really did save us from Morganna's White Room..."

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Somewhere, up in heaven, God laughed at the player's conversation."Ha! As if I'd ever do that for you pathetic fools. Morganna just choked on a hotdog and accidentally pushed a shiny red button, sending you all back to the mushroom field." Then God went back to stroking Maha who sat curled up on his lap.

**End of Chapter Two**

Crim: Hello, Crim the Red Lightning here once again!

Kite: Hey, what ever happened to Piros?

Crim: Why are you asking me? Ask the incompetent author...

Youkai: -as a voice from above- Hey! I'm not incompetent!I am your ruler!

Thesis: He's probably rotting back in the snowy mushroom field. -.-

Youkai: Don't ignore your ruler!

Blackrose: So, Crim, what are you going to try to make us do this time? Dance?

Youkai: Hello? Listen to me!

Crim: No, but that's a very good idea...-blinks-...Where did everyone go?

Youkai: Stop ignoring me...

Piros: Hark! Have no fear, I am now here!

Crim: You don't count.

Youkai: You'll notice him but not me!

Piros: T-T

Crim: Well, since everyone left...I would make the Crimson Knights do the can-can again but in lingerie this time, however...I don't need to get sued for hospital bills again. -walks off stage-

Youkai: Hey! Don't leave me all alone!...I'm a person, too... -fades away-

-After a few silent minutes Balmung walks onstage sporting black lingerei-

Balmung: -looks around- Don't tell me the can-can was canceled...Why wasn't I informed!


End file.
